Why your life is better than everybody else's.

Yes, we've all gone through it. At some given point in life, we've all felt like shit and despite how hard you try, seems like nothing can go right. Rest assure, you're fine and things will pick up. Until you can personally and intimately identify with the following folks, know that you've yet to earn the right to claim that your life has hit rock-bottom. These folks have it hard.

Chief Clancy Wiggum.

He attained the rank of Police Commissioner by being handed a badge by a complete stranger (and once again by Homer Simpson); responsible for the leadership of 2 incompetent nitwit officers. Professionally, through Chief Wiggum's jagged and controversial views on law enforcement, he cannot seem to detain the town's only repeat criminal for more than 2 hours. His personal life is not that much better. Clancy retires after work to Sarah Wiggum, his (unconfirmed but come on...) wife-sister, and his only child's who's future involves chasing his own fictitious tail in a padded cell. Although Clancy seems to have accepted his pending fate, I would not want to live his life.


Steven Rhodes.

This man endured the charisma and downright bully-ish nature of male sitcom super-star Al Bundy only to go home to a bossy and physically repulsive Marcy at night. Steve abandoned his vicious cycle lifestyle and become a federal fugitive for stealing the egg of an endangered bird which led to his subsequent arrest, only to become a limo driving lackey. I'm sure none of our lives are as bad as Steve's.


Someone without access to regular television.
How else would you compare how much better your life is to?


Joey Grecco.
The guy that hosts and instigates all the marital peep show we call "Cheaters." At first glance, it's probably a pretty cool job. He's got a team of 'investigators,' instigates fights between fledgling partners but at the end of the day Joey probably got his face punched in a few times, is not going home with any of the girls, and probably gets all kinds of threatening calls from those him and his team were investigating. All this to start all over again in the morning. No thank you, sir.


Anyone professionally or emotionally attached to the Chicago Cubs.
Sorry you will never win. So long as this picture exists on the internet, you will never win. Never.

Hope this brings a bit of therapy to every reader's lives. Cheers.