This crazy world has lots of villains. Al Qaeda, Latin American Drug Cartels, Country Music, the Boston Red Sox. But let's face it, the Nazis probably hold the cinematic record of being the bad guy. Why? (Apologies in advance, going to turn historical geeky for a moment before going movie geeky.) Well, they didn't help their own cause by initiating and glorifying the most unforgivable acts the world has ever seen:- Forced invasions and annexation of sovereign countries.
- Genocide.
- Devastation of whole cities.
- Gruesome human experimentation.
- Brainwashing an entire country.
- Backstabbing and turn-coating of their own allies.
On a different perspective, photographs of popular Nazis didn't really help them out much either. They all either dressed, talked, or have similar physical characteristics of our good friend Colonel Klink. In fact, I think the monocle is a prerequisite of both the real life 1930's to 1940's Nazi leadership and all theatrical Nazis. Take a look at the above photo. Who can blame global cinema industry for making them our eternal villains? Even if we pitted the Taliban against the Nazis in a fictitious cinematic war, I think we'd cheer against the Nazis. (Movie idea?)
Breaking the "World's Greatest Cinema Villains Award" down further, for the 'best of the best' I nominate Colonel Vogel of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. He exemplified the true nature of the cinema Nazi. From being a lackey to an sniveling American, slapping Dr. Jones with a leather glove, to utilizing a scepter to gain attention of newspaper reading blimp passengers, COL Vogel had it all. That and he maintained all the physical resemblances to COL Klink.It's hard to say when the Nazis will relinquish this award. I'll go on limb to say never.
Cheers.
Well done, my friend. Who doesn't enjoy watching a dirty fascists meet his demise by being run over by the tread of a Bradley or executed war-crime style by a greenhorn paratrooper?
ReplyDeleteI agree with everything in this post. I'd like to give a shout out to the Red Skull though, he's just plain evil.
ReplyDeleteThe facts that Standartenführer/Oberst/Colonel Vogel marches around while carrying a riding crop/swagger stick in his leather-gloved hands at all times and only ever removes one of his black gloves to effeminately slap his victims with it until he reaches climax make him very sexy. He also dry humped Indiana Jones on the tank. There are only a few ways in which he could have been a sexier, more evil Nazi-villain:
ReplyDeleteHis entire SS-uniform should have been made of leather (similar to Hauptscharführer Ilsa Haupstein's uniform from the opening of "Hellboy", except that her peaked cap was not made of leather).
He should have slapped his riding crop/swagger stick against his leather breeches/jodhpurs in rage whenever he uttered one of his effeminate screams when humiliated by the Joneses or when ordering his men around(similar to Frau Farbissina in the final act of "Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me").
The film should have included scenes in which (a) superior officer(s) inspects the Standartenführer/Oberst/Colonel and his unit, whom he would have greeted by clicking his heels, executing a Nazi salute and screaming "Achtung! Heil Hitler!" (similar to Obersturmbannführer Ilsa and her female Oberscharführer and Scharführer in "Ilsa, She-Wolf of the SS").
Finally, he should have worn leather SS-riding boots with spurs instead of Mister Minit replicas.
He should also have worn a leather mask, like Hauptmann von Stalhein, the German villain in Biggles - Adventures in Time
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0317956/board/thread/112990464
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0090729/board/nest/112990713