5 Pieces of Advice from Det. Alonzo Harris That We Can All Live By

Yoda, Mr. Miyagi, the crazy midget lady from Poltergeist. These wise sages have managed to infiltrate our daily lives with their deeply philosophical anecdotes. Here then, I humbly submit for your approval: Detective Alonzo Harris from the movie Training Day, and his Buddha-esque insights. No other corrupt LA cop has said so much using so few words. Here are 5 haiku-like quotes that have profound everyday applications:

"It behooves you not to dick around on this one."
Take this list seriously! In fact, it should probably replace the 10 Commandments.
"You got mad squabbles boy! I saw you put on that choke hold."
Because sometimes you'll have to cheat to win, even more so if you're dumb enough to pick a fight.
"The shit's chess, it ain't checkers!"
Who among us has never found themselves in way over our heads? These six little words perfectly summarizes this predicament and what must be done to overcome it.
"You wanna go to jail or you wanna go home?"
This pretty much explains itself. Better yet, as soon as you see a police officer, immediately run in the other direction. When they finally taze you down, slap cuffs on you and ask why you ran in the first place, just claim that you were "scared."
"You made the decision. Live with your decision. Ain't like I put a gun to your head."
Perhaps the greatest piece of insight on the list. We must all come to terms with our actions, even if they are poor ones. You ate a White Castle Crave Case, you suffer the consequences of a White Castle Crave Case.