Regarding Baseball...

PREAMBLE:

The Yankees (and baseball in general) lost two larger than life personalities this week:

PA Announcer Bob Sheppard

The Boss George Steinbrenner

You will be missed.

RANT:

 So the All-Star game is going through the motions of introductions and ceremonies, until it comes to a screeching halt when Joe Buck announces the People Magazine's Hometown All-Stars.

WHAT THE FUCK?

I feel bad for the players on the field that have to stand and watch as Julia Fucking Roberts and Matthew Fucking Mcconaughey babbles on about some bullshit their agents thought was a worthy cause. That's pretty bad but then good ol' Joe Buck proceeds to introduce the cast of FUCKING Glee to sing a shitty cover of Christina FUCKING Aguilera's BEAUTIFUL.

SERIOUSLY, WHAT THE FUCK?

Let me repeat that. The cast of FUCKING Glee sings Beautiful by Christina Aguilera in front of a bunch of major league All-Stars.

WHO'S FUCKING IDEA IS THIS?

I'm half expecting the players to wear dresses and bonnets when they take the field. Although, I'm pretty sure I see Dustin Pedroia in a skirt as he prepares to spend the entire game riding the pine. Dick.

PS - Go AL!

Justified Sense of Entitlement?

As a Yankee fan living away from New York City, I always get harassed for every single thing the Yankees do. I know that this is a matter of ignorance and take it on the chin most times but understandably, I need to rant about this from time to time. This latest round is about the New Yankee Stadium and it's horrible food choices. As baseball fans, when have we become entitled to gourmet food at a baseball stadium? When did the standard hot dog or Italian sausage simply become not enough for us?

I enjoy good food as much as the next person but I also know when and where to enjoy good food. Let's not forget why we go to baseball games. To enjoy 9 innings of baseball or for a great meal? The cost of your ticket entitles you to your seat, that's it. You choose what you want to buy for consumption. (Or bring your own...) Shouldn't the venue of your baseball experience be judge primarily on the quality of how the game is played, the view from your seat, or the overall atmosphere of the home town fans? On a secondary perspective, anything beyond typical ballpark fare is bonus and if you're complaining for more choices and it's quality, then ask yourself are you really a true fan of baseball. I know in order to get full revenue from every demographic of spectators, you have to comply to everybody's whims but let me reiterate, this is a baseball stadium!!! If they have your something for your palette, great. If not, allow yourself to be 13 again for a day and get a hot dog!

I'll admit, throughout the zillions of baseball games I've attended, I've become the snob of the field level. Rather than getting doomed to the upper deck, I'd rather wander the lower level and stand closer to the game watching for 9 innings. However, I'll never complain about ballpark food, because it is what it is. Hot dogs, peanuts, fries, Cracker Jacks, domestic swill seltzer water beer, ice cream, maybe a regional specialty. If I find some other delectable treats such as an over-sized turkey leg at Busch Stadium or Rocky Mountain Oysters at Coors Field, score!

What are your thoughts about this?

BackAcne Baseball

From: I to the C, GM Back Acne Baseball Club
Sent: Wednesday, 27 May 2010; 10:33PM
To: Jerry Doe, Owner and CEO Back Acne Baseball Club
Subject: RE: Final Team Roster



Jerry,
Per your instructions, I've developed a 'no lose' line up for our new baseball team, the Back Acnes. I'm happy to announce that our entire team is comprised of proven players that have been named in the Mitchell Report so we're guaranteed nothing but success when we take the field. Below is the roster for your review:

Starting Line up

SS Miguel Tejada

3B Matt Williams

RF Gary Sheffield

LF Barry Bonds

DH Jose Canseco

CF Lenny Dykstra

1B Jason Giambi

2B Fernando Vina

C Benito Santiago

Bench

IF Chuck Knoblauch

OF David Justice

IF/OF Jerry Hairston, Jr.

Starting Rotation

Roger Clemens

Kevin Brown

Denny Neagel

Mark Lansing

Hal Morris

Relief Pitchers

Mike Stanton

John Rocker

Paul Byrd

Jason Grimsley

Ryan Franklin

Eric Gagne

I know what you're thinking. Where's the speed? Let me assure you, we make it up in sheer power and overall mood swings. It is by far one of the greatest teams ever assembled and we can count on hoisting the trophy at the end of the year. Keep in mind that by taking steroids, these players have forfeited the right not to be ragged on relentlessly. (It's understandable since half these players don't really have necks.) But man, what an unbeatable team! I'm thinking 162-0 for the season. Any questions, please let me know.

Thanks,
I to the C.

Oh, can you please let me know which country we'll be playing in. (I'll need to provide a proper mailing address for the BALCO company.) Please keep in mind that we won't be able to play in the US due to their rules...

-----------------------------
From: Jerry Doe, Owner and CEO Back Acne Baseball Club
Sent: Wednesday, 27 May 2010; 2:01PM
To: I to the C, GM Back Acne Baseball Club
Subject: Final Team Roster
Send me your final roster NOW.
Regards,
Jerry

You don't have to be crazy to play right field for the Yankees, but it helps.

Seriously, have you seen these mother fuckers? I would not want to run into some of them in a dark alley, but I would like to party with some of them.

Dustin Pedroia: Douchey Boston 2nd Baseman or Herald of The Impending Zombie Apocalypse?

You decide!

PS Go Yanks!