Star Wars in 25 words...

Empire attacks ship. Gay droids escape to Tatiooine. Meet gay Luke Skywalker. Obi-Wan in a gay voice: "These aren't the droids you're looking for."

The Rocketeer...

I love this film. It really have to say it is close to being a perfect movie. It has everything you could want, 30's noir, Nazis, evil Timothy Dalton, hot Jennifer Connely, and a rocket!

My Children's Book (in progress)...

So I had this idea for a children's book. The basic gist is that a girl named Penny wants to grow up to become a dollar. Here are a few early designs for characters: Penny, Nickel, Dime, and Quarter.

Move Along, Nothing to See Here...

... EXCEPT FOR THESE CLOWNS!

I'm in the process of relocating, so my posts will be few and far in between.

In the meantime, I'll leave it to fordambatman and I to the C to hold down the fort.

Enemies

I present to you my new mortal enemy. I hate you.

Snakes On A Plane in 13 words...

That's it! I've had it with these muthafucking snakes on this muthafucking plane!

Best to Worst Star Trek movies...

1) Star Trek 2: The Wrath of Khan
The one with Khaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!
2) Star Trek: First Contact
The one with the Borg.
3) Star Trek
The one with an alternate reality.
4) Star Trek 6: The Undiscovered Country
The one where they make peace with the Kingons.
5) Star Trek 3: The Search for Spock
The one where Spock comes back to life.
6) Star Trek 4: The Voyage Home
The one with whales.
7) Star Trek: Generations
The one where Kirk dies.
8) Star Trek: Nemesis
The one with the evil clone of Picard.
9) Star Trek: Insurrection
The one with F. Murray Abraham.
10) Star Trek 5: The Final Frontier
The one where they go camping.
11) Star Trek: The Motion Picture
The one that's boring.

Pet peeve of the day...

Proper etiquette for public transportation usage...
What the hell is wrong with some people? Two things have really been bothering me lately.
1) At any subway stop in Chinatown, why do Asians not let you get off the fucking train before trying to enter it? Seriously, without fail for the last 2 months every time I have tried to get off the train at Chinatown there has been a wave of incoming Asians blocking my path. Even though the train car is empty. It's like they have to push past me just to make sure they get to one of the 20 seats available. Bah! Learn some fucking manners!
2) Why do older people think they are entitled to skip to the front of every line? Why is it when you are standing in line for a bus and its a good 10 people long do old people think they can come in at the last minute and skip to the front? It's so fucking rude, it's not like someone's not going to give up their seat for them anyway. It is an abuse of power, plain and simple!

The Rainbow Raider...

This guy is amazing! He's an old DC Comics villain.

From Wikipedia:

As child, Roy G. Bivolo always dreamed of a career as an artist, a lofty goal considering he was completely colorblind. He would often paint what he thought were beautiful pieces of art, only to be told that it was made up of clashing colors. His father, an optometrist and genius in optical technology, swore he would find a cure for his son's disorder. Due to failing health, he was unable to complete his product, but instead created a sophisticated pair of goggles that would allow Roy to create beams of solid rainbow-colored light. On his death-bed, his father presents him with this gift, and it wasn't long before Roy found a sinister use for it.

Turning to crime because the world didn't appreciate his art, Roy, now the Rainbow Raider, went on a crime spree focused mostly on art galleries, saying that if he couldn't appreciate the great works of art in them (due to his disability), no one else would.

Awesome baby names...

So it is a great day, one of our illustrious contributors is going to be having a baby!!! That means it's time to name the child. Some suggestions:
1) McClane
2) Xerxes
3) The Thing
4) C. Montgomery
5) Jean-Luc
6) Megatron
7) Bo
8) Freight-Train
9) Mason
10) Kurt Russell

Thoughts, suggestions?

Star Trek: First Contact in 25 words...

Picard has a bad dream. The Borg! Enterprise goes back in time. The Borg Queen! The line must be drawn here! Enterprise saves the future.

Regarding Baseball...

PREAMBLE:

The Yankees (and baseball in general) lost two larger than life personalities this week:

PA Announcer Bob Sheppard

The Boss George Steinbrenner

You will be missed.

RANT:

 So the All-Star game is going through the motions of introductions and ceremonies, until it comes to a screeching halt when Joe Buck announces the People Magazine's Hometown All-Stars.

WHAT THE FUCK?

I feel bad for the players on the field that have to stand and watch as Julia Fucking Roberts and Matthew Fucking Mcconaughey babbles on about some bullshit their agents thought was a worthy cause. That's pretty bad but then good ol' Joe Buck proceeds to introduce the cast of FUCKING Glee to sing a shitty cover of Christina FUCKING Aguilera's BEAUTIFUL.

SERIOUSLY, WHAT THE FUCK?

Let me repeat that. The cast of FUCKING Glee sings Beautiful by Christina Aguilera in front of a bunch of major league All-Stars.

WHO'S FUCKING IDEA IS THIS?

I'm half expecting the players to wear dresses and bonnets when they take the field. Although, I'm pretty sure I see Dustin Pedroia in a skirt as he prepares to spend the entire game riding the pine. Dick.

PS - Go AL!

1st Ranked Yankees Loses to 12th Ranked Mariners

And here's why:

Thank you very F*CKING much Mr. Chamberlain.

The Many Faces of Will Ferrell!

Will Ferrell. Perhaps one of the best comedy actors of our generation, not for the movies that he made, (granted some of them were horrible) but rather for the roles he played. I will now attempt to piece together his top qualities to make the ultimate role model.

Chazz Rhienhold.
Innovator. Showed us it's okay not to be invited to weddings but also the joys of funerals, which are apparently 'an aphrodisiac.'

Ron Burgundy.

Cool. I just like the way he rolls. "Scotch. Scotch. Scotch. Straight down my belly." He also showed us it's okay to talk and fully understand the language of random dog barking.

Chazz Michaels Michael.

Masculinity. The ultimate man's man in an otherwise homosexual world. Exemplifies toughness through not giving a crap about anything.

Brennan Huff.
Youth. It's okay to never grow up. Even when you're pushing 40.

Frank 'the Tank' Ricard.
Friend. He will do anything for a friend. From debating to sustaining 3rd degree burns, Frank is there for you.

Ricky Bobby.
Dedication. When NASCAR (including life in general) gives you the ultimate finger, Ricky fights his way back to the top, all to defeat the dirty French. Don't forget the cougar. Yes, there was a freaking cougar in the car.

Kingpin in 25 words...

Bowling. Roy Munson. Ernie McCraken. Roy's hand gets cut off. Ishmael. You must have a wide foot, you got both of them. Tournament. McCraken wins.

The Many Face of Me.

With all the crap reality television Hollywood is putting I often wonder how well an show about me would fare. Not being trained or even at all interested in acting, I would have to cast an appropriate actor to be my proxy.

NEEDED FOR IMMEDIATE HIRE:
Oft-drunk Asian malcontent actor for a reality show about an Asian loser who sits in a cubical all day. Must be willing to compromise his own dignity for show's sake. Show not intended to last 3 episodes. Payment will be in cartons of Navajo Indian reservation brand cigarettes and McDonald's coupons.

Here's who I wish will show up for the audition. (I.e. those I will personally send this ad to direct.) I think each of the below has the unique skills required to play me.

Choice 1: Ken Jeong.

Choice 2: Pat Morita. (If he was still alive.)



Choice 3: Warren the Ape.

TWYFer's, who would you cast to play you?